Communicate Well by Getting Naked
Do you REALLY KNOW your spouse? Do they REALLY KNOW you?
I've been working on a big project, it's been consuming lots of energy and brainpower as I figure certain things out. At times I haven't been my usual self, Peter could see deep-thoughts on my face.
Last night, my heart burst. Things that have been consuming me settled into place... and I gave Peter an earful. As I rambled on about my project and shared my excitement, I was left realizing...
This kind of opening up doesn't occur just because I got a little window of undivided attention.
This happened ONLY AFTER multiple days of positive interaction. Many moments of undivided attention and a good number of healthy conversations discussing the "less-important" things of life.
ONLY THEN was I prepared to let my heart "get-naked."
ONLY THEN was I ready to be vulnerable.
ONLY THEN could to reveal what was all going on inside of me.
Not that I couldn't have spoken to Peter before, but last night... it came naturally. It was at that moment when I realized... I needed to write THIS post.
Do You Feel Listened to?
Heartfelt-intimacy occurs when you can expose your passions, fears, concerns and excitement while feeling safe, loved ... and LISTENED-TO as you do so.
This doesn't happen just because you carve out ONE EVENING to do so.
It takes multiple evenings of healthy CONNECTION and healthy COMMUNICATION before one is EVEN READY to open up their heart.
Communication breakdown isn't because couples don't "talk" but because they rarely get beyond the "HAVE-TO" conversations and make it to the "WANT-TO" conversations.
HAVE-TO conversations are things we HAVE TO talk about. (Bills, kids, meals)
WANT-TO conversations are things we WANT TO talk about. (Passions, dreams, concerns, fears)
Husbands...
Wives...
...if you want your spouse to open their heart you need to create a track record of positive interactions.
You can do that by...
👉 Giving them your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION and doing fun things together.
👉 Making time to discuss the everyday issues of life. (to-do lists, meal planning, bills)
ONLY THEN... will they consider opening their heart to reveal the more important issues of their life.
⭐️ The "want-to" conversations are on the OTHER SIDE of "have-to" conversations.... and you must go THROUGH the "have to's" with love and respect while maintaining a positive connection.
Go Against The Flow
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION and HEALTHY CONVERSATION are both endangered.
But it's not your fault...
It's just how our world is now. It's the way-it-goes these days.
But if you want to go against the flow...
If you want to REBEL against the norm...
... then do these 2 things to improve your connection & communication.
👉 1: Give your spouse (at least) 10-15 minutes of undivided attention every day.
As they talk about the good, bad and ugly... it gets the FIRST LAYER of "life-stuff" off their chest... preparing them to go deeper when you have MORE time together.
👉 2: As discussions arise over everyday, mundane topics... make a point not to raise your voice, take offence, or say anything hurtful.
Be as soft-spoken, loving and gentle as you can. As you practise this, it will become easier and eventually instinctive.
The Benefits of Healthy Conversation
⭐️ The better you control yourself during everyday discussions... the healthier your conversations will be.
⭐️ The healthier your conversations... the closer connection you two will have on a day-to-day basis.
⭐️ The closer your connection on a day-to-day basis... the more opportunities that'll present themselves for heartfelt-intimacy.
This has been one of the most valuable lessons Peter and I have learned in our marriage.
Proverbs 16:32 says... It is better to be patent, to be slow to anger and have self-control than to be powerful and rule a city.
For more information on this topic pick up my free guide: 3 Ways to Kill Conflict in Your Home
