Know when to Disengage

What do you do when someone you are talking with makes statements such as: “You don’t care about me,” “you’re being disrespectful,” “you’re trying to control me,” or “you don’t really care about the relationship.”

Take your space and let them process the situation however they wish.

You are not responsible for their opinion and as you’ve likely discovered, you can’t change it. However someone responds is not your concern. You do not need to listen to someone putting guilt, shame or blame on you. You can politely remove yourself from the conversation, from the room, and if need be, from the house. 

You can offer to discuss the situation when they’re ready to be respectful. You can let them know that you’ll leave the conversation when hurtful, accusatory statements come out.

Don’t get suckered into staying in a conversation that is heading down the wrong road. It’s not healthy and it’s not helping. If you know better, do better. Lead by example and show them how to speak calmly and respectfully. Help others mature by expecting them to return the favour. This won’t be an official invite, but more like a quiet challenge for them to be equally as fair and mature as you are.

You could say:

• “I’d like to talk with you about this, but I’ll wait until you you can do so without name calling.”

• “I was really hoping to open my heart up to you, but when you make those kinds of claims it causes me to retreat into a shell.”

• “When you say those things, it hurts. I’m going to take some space to be alone for a bit.”

… and so on.

It’s important to be honest about how their words affect you. It’s vital that you speak in a kind, respectful way (even if they aren’t). It’s also appropriate to take space and refuse to engage if they are belligerent and uncooperative.

For more information on this topic, pic up a free copy of my guide: 3 Ways to Kill Conflict in Your Home.